Feeling a little normal now

I'm starting to feel normal now. Well at least I feel like I'm in my own skin again. My fever broke last week for good. The swelling on my arm from the IV has gone down. My arm is still a little sore but nothing like it was.
I've spent most of the day cleaning and organizing my scrapbook stuff so I could make Ethan a memorial scrapbook. I think that will help Scott and I heal and I think it will give us one place to gather all of the little bits and pieces of Ethan we have scattered into one location.
I'd like to think I can get the scrapbook done in a week or at least before I return to work, but I'm missing his official birth certificate, his Social Security card, some pictures, and when we plant the apple trees, I want to scrap the event. The apple tree planting was supposed to represent his birth, but we will scatter his ashes there and maybe a little bench or something.
I think it will be hard to create the scrapbook, but it's something I would have done had he survived so I feel it only adds to the journey of being a mom to create one, even though he is no longer with us.
I'm hoping that by the end of creating the scrapbook, I won't cry any more, or at least I'll be able to remember him and talk about him without getting extremely emotional. I was able to talk about losing him today and I didn't cry, but I did cry later in the day when I was flipping through the pictures the hospital took. I'm so happy they took the time to take the pictures and create the memory box for us.
I guess I have the scrapbook stuff pretty well organized and I should be able to start creating his scrapbook tomorrow. I miss him so much. Scott touches my stomach and I want so badly to have things back to the way they were two weeks ago. Small things like that make me get teary. I'm sure Scott has to be about sick of it by now, but he comforts me and hugs me and tells me everything will be alright. He has been really great to me through all of this. Scott has always been able to shine brightest when things go badly. He's really good at playing the part of the knight in shining armor, and I love him for that.