Feeling a little normal now

I'm starting to feel normal now. Well at least I feel like I'm in my own skin again. My fever broke last week for good. The swelling on my arm from the IV has gone down. My arm is still a little sore but nothing like it was.
I've spent most of the day cleaning and organizing my scrapbook stuff so I could make Ethan a memorial scrapbook. I think that will help Scott and I heal and I think it will give us one place to gather all of the little bits and pieces of Ethan we have scattered into one location.
I'd like to think I can get the scrapbook done in a week or at least before I return to work, but I'm missing his official birth certificate, his Social Security card, some pictures, and when we plant the apple trees, I want to scrap the event. The apple tree planting was supposed to represent his birth, but we will scatter his ashes there and maybe a little bench or something.
I think it will be hard to create the scrapbook, but it's something I would have done had he survived so I feel it only adds to the journey of being a mom to create one, even though he is no longer with us.
I'm hoping that by the end of creating the scrapbook, I won't cry any more, or at least I'll be able to remember him and talk about him without getting extremely emotional. I was able to talk about losing him today and I didn't cry, but I did cry later in the day when I was flipping through the pictures the hospital took. I'm so happy they took the time to take the pictures and create the memory box for us.
I guess I have the scrapbook stuff pretty well organized and I should be able to start creating his scrapbook tomorrow. I miss him so much. Scott touches my stomach and I want so badly to have things back to the way they were two weeks ago. Small things like that make me get teary. I'm sure Scott has to be about sick of it by now, but he comforts me and hugs me and tells me everything will be alright. He has been really great to me through all of this. Scott has always been able to shine brightest when things go badly. He's really good at playing the part of the knight in shining armor, and I love him for that.

So now I'm home. The wardens let me out about 4 yesterday afternoon. As soon as I got home my fever spiked again to 103.8...Blah! But had Scott call the hospital and the doctor called us at home and I begged him not to make me go back. They have pumped me so full of stuff I'm sure I won't die at the house. My arms are black and blue from the 5 IV's , the blood draws every 12 hours and whatever else they deceided they needed to have a human pin coushion for. One of the IV's "infiltrated" my hand so now my hand and lower forearm look like a pilsbury doughboy apendadge. I swear I hate hospitals! I don't ever want to go back!

The doctor agreed to let me stay home and put on IBuprofen and Tylenol to keep my fever down, and of course Scott's pumping me full of the home remedy popcicles. So far I'm hovering around 99.8, which isn't so bad. I still can't breath though and doc doesn't know why. My theory is that they pumped me so full of stuff and there's no room for my lungs. As long I move really slowly I'm OK, so it looks like my home nickname of turtle (becuase of my driving) still stands only now because of my movements.

Scott is still sick as a dog poor guy. It's kind of fun to watch him try to take care of the both of us. He's really trying hard. I'm sure a day or two more and he'll be be feeling better and hopefully so will I.

I have to see the doctor again tomorrow morning.

Love
Nolie and Scottie

Our Brithday

When I gave birth to Ethan yesterday, the drugs they gave me to stop the contractions made me dazed and I don't remember much about his birth. I didn't even realize he was born the day before Scott and my birthday. One more day and we could have all shared the same birthday.

We're still in the hospital. My fever is down but doesn't want to seem to level out. I'm at 100 today and doc is still concerned there may be some matter still hanging out that could cause me problems. So I'll have another ultra sound today and we'll see what happens, if all goes well I'll be out tomorrow. If not all be here until Thursday. Doctor says I'm anemic from my loss of blood which is normal but it makes it so I'm running on a half a tank and a little short of breath. I guess it's a wait and see we they let me out of the funny farm!

The bed is getting more comfortable by the day, blah!!! I try to move around a bit but the IV keeps me pretty close to the bed and Scott gripping at me to stay in bed to get rid of my fever doesn't help. I've got so many things to keep me busy! Yesterday people brought us so much food we're still stuffed and the frig is full. It was our birthday yesterday so we got BD cake, cheesecake, salads, steak, ribs, lord I'm stuffed just thinking about it all! Even the hospital cafeteria prepared us a little birthday cake! How sweet.

I guess all in all everything is going a little better. Many people have asked if they could come by and we're fine with that for now

Love
Nolie and Scottie