I'm starting to feel normal now. Well at least I feel like I'm in my own skin again. My fever broke last week for good. The swelling on my arm from the IV has gone down. My arm is still a little sore but nothing like it was.
I've spent most of the day cleaning and organizing my scrapbook stuff so I could make Ethan a memorial scrapbook. I think that will help Scott and I heal and I think it will give us one place to gather all of the little bits and pieces of Ethan we have scattered into one location.
I'd like to think I can get the scrapbook done in a week or at least before I return to work, but I'm missing his official birth certificate, his Social Security card, some pictures, and when we plant the apple trees, I want to scrap the event. The apple tree planting was supposed to represent his birth, but we will scatter his ashes there and maybe a little bench or something.
I think it will be hard to create the scrapbook, but it's something I would have done had he survived so I feel it only adds to the journey of being a mom to create one, even though he is no longer with us.
I'm hoping that by the end of creating the scrapbook, I won't cry any more, or at least I'll be able to remember him and talk about him without getting extremely emotional. I was able to talk about losing him today and I didn't cry, but I did cry later in the day when I was flipping through the pictures the hospital took. I'm so happy they took the time to take the pictures and create the memory box for us.
I guess I have the scrapbook stuff pretty well organized and I should be able to start creating his scrapbook tomorrow. I miss him so much. Scott touches my stomach and I want so badly to have things back to the way they were two weeks ago. Small things like that make me get teary. I'm sure Scott has to be about sick of it by now, but he comforts me and hugs me and tells me everything will be alright. He has been really great to me through all of this. Scott has always been able to shine brightest when things go badly. He's really good at playing the part of the knight in shining armor, and I love him for that.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
So now I'm home. The wardens let me out about 4 yesterday afternoon. As soon as I got home my fever spiked again to 103.8...Blah! But had Scott call the hospital and the doctor called us at home and I begged him not to make me go back. They have pumped me so full of stuff I'm sure I won't die at the house. My arms are black and blue from the 5 IV's , the blood draws every 12 hours and whatever else they deceided they needed to have a human pin coushion for. One of the IV's "infiltrated" my hand so now my hand and lower forearm look like a pilsbury doughboy apendadge. I swear I hate hospitals! I don't ever want to go back!
The doctor agreed to let me stay home and put on IBuprofen and Tylenol to keep my fever down, and of course Scott's pumping me full of the home remedy popcicles. So far I'm hovering around 99.8, which isn't so bad. I still can't breath though and doc doesn't know why. My theory is that they pumped me so full of stuff and there's no room for my lungs. As long I move really slowly I'm OK, so it looks like my home nickname of turtle (becuase of my driving) still stands only now because of my movements.
Scott is still sick as a dog poor guy. It's kind of fun to watch him try to take care of the both of us. He's really trying hard. I'm sure a day or two more and he'll be be feeling better and hopefully so will I.
I have to see the doctor again tomorrow morning.
Love
Nolie and Scottie
The doctor agreed to let me stay home and put on IBuprofen and Tylenol to keep my fever down, and of course Scott's pumping me full of the home remedy popcicles. So far I'm hovering around 99.8, which isn't so bad. I still can't breath though and doc doesn't know why. My theory is that they pumped me so full of stuff and there's no room for my lungs. As long I move really slowly I'm OK, so it looks like my home nickname of turtle (becuase of my driving) still stands only now because of my movements.
Scott is still sick as a dog poor guy. It's kind of fun to watch him try to take care of the both of us. He's really trying hard. I'm sure a day or two more and he'll be be feeling better and hopefully so will I.
I have to see the doctor again tomorrow morning.
Love
Nolie and Scottie
Monday, December 1, 2008
Our Brithday
When I gave birth to Ethan yesterday, the drugs they gave me to stop the contractions made me dazed and I don't remember much about his birth. I didn't even realize he was born the day before Scott and my birthday. One more day and we could have all shared the same birthday.
We're still in the hospital. My fever is down but doesn't want to seem to level out. I'm at 100 today and doc is still concerned there may be some matter still hanging out that could cause me problems. So I'll have another ultra sound today and we'll see what happens, if all goes well I'll be out tomorrow. If not all be here until Thursday. Doctor says I'm anemic from my loss of blood which is normal but it makes it so I'm running on a half a tank and a little short of breath. I guess it's a wait and see we they let me out of the funny farm!
The bed is getting more comfortable by the day, blah!!! I try to move around a bit but the IV keeps me pretty close to the bed and Scott gripping at me to stay in bed to get rid of my fever doesn't help. I've got so many things to keep me busy! Yesterday people brought us so much food we're still stuffed and the frig is full. It was our birthday yesterday so we got BD cake, cheesecake, salads, steak, ribs, lord I'm stuffed just thinking about it all! Even the hospital cafeteria prepared us a little birthday cake! How sweet.
I guess all in all everything is going a little better. Many people have asked if they could come by and we're fine with that for now
Love
Nolie and Scottie
We're still in the hospital. My fever is down but doesn't want to seem to level out. I'm at 100 today and doc is still concerned there may be some matter still hanging out that could cause me problems. So I'll have another ultra sound today and we'll see what happens, if all goes well I'll be out tomorrow. If not all be here until Thursday. Doctor says I'm anemic from my loss of blood which is normal but it makes it so I'm running on a half a tank and a little short of breath. I guess it's a wait and see we they let me out of the funny farm!
The bed is getting more comfortable by the day, blah!!! I try to move around a bit but the IV keeps me pretty close to the bed and Scott gripping at me to stay in bed to get rid of my fever doesn't help. I've got so many things to keep me busy! Yesterday people brought us so much food we're still stuffed and the frig is full. It was our birthday yesterday so we got BD cake, cheesecake, salads, steak, ribs, lord I'm stuffed just thinking about it all! Even the hospital cafeteria prepared us a little birthday cake! How sweet.
I guess all in all everything is going a little better. Many people have asked if they could come by and we're fine with that for now
Love
Nolie and Scottie
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Ethan Alexander's Birthday
After two days of trying to convince Junior he needed to wait to see the world he decided to see the world too early.
I started having contractions around 7pm Saturday night. The doctors did everything they could to stop them but the more they tried the worse they got.
Ethan Alexander Minyard was born alive at 1:10 am on Sunday Morning. I was able to hold him for a brief little while before the doctor started working on me and I gave Ethan to his daddy. Scott held him for the entire time the doctor worked on me. I could hear Scott crying so hard. Once they were finished with me they staff turned down the lights, Scott moved the couch beside the bed and we laid beside each other with our son in the middle until he left us. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. I don't know that I've ever been so sad in my life.
We were able to hold Ethan and love him for three hours before he left us. His heart was strong but his lungs weren't able to keep up. I think we were very blessed to have had a couple days to prepare for Ethan's arrival, and even more so to be able to spend a few precious hours with him. I think it will help in our healing to know we were his mommy and daddy and he was loved for even just a little while.
Because Ethan was born alive he will receive a birth certificate and a death certificate. This is not considered a miscariage; it is considered a fetal demise. We basically had a baby that passed away. The hospital staff have been really compassionate through all of this. Also because of his size and weight Ethan is required to have a proper funeral. The ceremony will only be with Scott, I, and our families.
It's Monday morning 5am now and we are still in the hospital. My fever keeps spiking from 102.5 yesterday to 103.8 today. I think the doctor will have to do one more proceedure to clean up any residual matter inside to help me fight any infections I may have from the delivery. Hopefully that will stabilize me and I'll be able to leave the hospital this afternoon. We'll see.
I've tried to contact everyone to let them know, but if I have happened to miss someone please feel free to pass on the information to other friends, family, and loved ones.
I don't know what the recovery period is for the loss of a child but I'm pretty sure we will be OK. I guess the doctor will have to determine the recovery time for my body, and for Scott and my emotional state. But on a personal level we have such wonderful friends that have prayed so hard for us. We are truely blessed to have so many caring people in our lives. Thank you so much for all the prayers and thoughts and messages of encouragement. They have been wonderful. I know everyone feels sad becuase of our loss, but just know that we are OK and that Ethan was loved.
Love
Nolie, Scottie, and Ethan
I started having contractions around 7pm Saturday night. The doctors did everything they could to stop them but the more they tried the worse they got.
Ethan Alexander Minyard was born alive at 1:10 am on Sunday Morning. I was able to hold him for a brief little while before the doctor started working on me and I gave Ethan to his daddy. Scott held him for the entire time the doctor worked on me. I could hear Scott crying so hard. Once they were finished with me they staff turned down the lights, Scott moved the couch beside the bed and we laid beside each other with our son in the middle until he left us. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life. I don't know that I've ever been so sad in my life.
We were able to hold Ethan and love him for three hours before he left us. His heart was strong but his lungs weren't able to keep up. I think we were very blessed to have had a couple days to prepare for Ethan's arrival, and even more so to be able to spend a few precious hours with him. I think it will help in our healing to know we were his mommy and daddy and he was loved for even just a little while.
Because Ethan was born alive he will receive a birth certificate and a death certificate. This is not considered a miscariage; it is considered a fetal demise. We basically had a baby that passed away. The hospital staff have been really compassionate through all of this. Also because of his size and weight Ethan is required to have a proper funeral. The ceremony will only be with Scott, I, and our families.
It's Monday morning 5am now and we are still in the hospital. My fever keeps spiking from 102.5 yesterday to 103.8 today. I think the doctor will have to do one more proceedure to clean up any residual matter inside to help me fight any infections I may have from the delivery. Hopefully that will stabilize me and I'll be able to leave the hospital this afternoon. We'll see.
I've tried to contact everyone to let them know, but if I have happened to miss someone please feel free to pass on the information to other friends, family, and loved ones.
I don't know what the recovery period is for the loss of a child but I'm pretty sure we will be OK. I guess the doctor will have to determine the recovery time for my body, and for Scott and my emotional state. But on a personal level we have such wonderful friends that have prayed so hard for us. We are truely blessed to have so many caring people in our lives. Thank you so much for all the prayers and thoughts and messages of encouragement. They have been wonderful. I know everyone feels sad becuase of our loss, but just know that we are OK and that Ethan was loved.
Love
Nolie, Scottie, and Ethan
Saturday, November 29, 2008
1st Day in the hospital
Our Thanksgiving weekend is not going so well just yet. Junior C. Monkey is in danger of being born now at 20 weeks and if so he will not make it. We found out the Wednesday before Thanksgiving that Junior is a boy! He is doing fine, but it's me that is having problems
At 3am Friday morning I got up to go to the bathroom and something didn't feel right and I was bleeding. It didn't stop so I called the hospital and they told us to come in. We got her about 3:30am. They began monitoring the baby and everything seemed fine. When the my doctor came in to exam me he found my cervix was 100% dialated meaning I have already gone into labor. Because I am 100% dialated there is nothing they can do to stop it.
I have a condition called Incompetent Cervix which means that once the baby started putting pressure on my cervix my cervix opened immediately without warning. There is nothing we could have done to test for this except be pregnant and see if I can hold it.
The next step in delivery is for my water to break, but it hasn't yet. As long as my water doesn't break Junior will still be OK. The doctor expected my water to break yesterday/last night I'm still here and so is Junior we've been holding out for 38 hours so far. We can opt to break my water which will not change the outcome, Junior will not survive at 20 weeks. Bbut Scott and I have decided to leave it in GOD's hands and let nature take it's course. We are not going to make the decision to break my water unless it gets to the point that it effects me. Doctor tells me that both baby and I are suseptable to infection now, but we still want to hold out and see.
I am in the hospital now and have been since yesterday morning. I will be here for as long as it takes. If my water breaks Junior will be delivered immediatly and will not survive, but if I hold out for 21 days then Junior's lungs will developed to survive on his own. I'm praying that I stay healthy and that my water holds out a little longer.
We are praying for a miracle to hold out for at least 21 days, but the dr has guarded us against getting our hopes ups. He expects my water to break anytime because I guess it's unusual to get to full dialation and have the water still in tact.
I just wanted to let everyone know. I didn't want to put a damper on your holiday, but I wanted to let everyone know who doesn't already know. We've told the family and everyone I have cell phone numbers for which isn't very many after my phone died and I lost all the numbers. I'm starting from scratch so I really don't know who has gotten this message and who has not. Don't worry though we are doing OK, we don't need anything, and I'm not in any pain. I'm just a little sad. Scott and I are ready to deal with whatever the outcome is.
Thank you to all whom are already praying for us and thinking of us. We'll keep in touch and let you knw how it's going in a couple of days.
Love
Nolie, Socttie and Junior C. Monkey
At 3am Friday morning I got up to go to the bathroom and something didn't feel right and I was bleeding. It didn't stop so I called the hospital and they told us to come in. We got her about 3:30am. They began monitoring the baby and everything seemed fine. When the my doctor came in to exam me he found my cervix was 100% dialated meaning I have already gone into labor. Because I am 100% dialated there is nothing they can do to stop it.
I have a condition called Incompetent Cervix which means that once the baby started putting pressure on my cervix my cervix opened immediately without warning. There is nothing we could have done to test for this except be pregnant and see if I can hold it.
The next step in delivery is for my water to break, but it hasn't yet. As long as my water doesn't break Junior will still be OK. The doctor expected my water to break yesterday/last night I'm still here and so is Junior we've been holding out for 38 hours so far. We can opt to break my water which will not change the outcome, Junior will not survive at 20 weeks. Bbut Scott and I have decided to leave it in GOD's hands and let nature take it's course. We are not going to make the decision to break my water unless it gets to the point that it effects me. Doctor tells me that both baby and I are suseptable to infection now, but we still want to hold out and see.
I am in the hospital now and have been since yesterday morning. I will be here for as long as it takes. If my water breaks Junior will be delivered immediatly and will not survive, but if I hold out for 21 days then Junior's lungs will developed to survive on his own. I'm praying that I stay healthy and that my water holds out a little longer.
We are praying for a miracle to hold out for at least 21 days, but the dr has guarded us against getting our hopes ups. He expects my water to break anytime because I guess it's unusual to get to full dialation and have the water still in tact.
I just wanted to let everyone know. I didn't want to put a damper on your holiday, but I wanted to let everyone know who doesn't already know. We've told the family and everyone I have cell phone numbers for which isn't very many after my phone died and I lost all the numbers. I'm starting from scratch so I really don't know who has gotten this message and who has not. Don't worry though we are doing OK, we don't need anything, and I'm not in any pain. I'm just a little sad. Scott and I are ready to deal with whatever the outcome is.
Thank you to all whom are already praying for us and thinking of us. We'll keep in touch and let you knw how it's going in a couple of days.
Love
Nolie, Socttie and Junior C. Monkey
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Why Jr. C. Monkey
Well what do you call a baby who doesn't have a name yet? Baby bump, baby, junior, we didn't know, so we call it Junior. So where did C. Monkey come from? Junior's second ultra sound picture looked more like a shrimp than a baby. I said that to someone in my office and she responded to "not just a shrimp, but a sea monkey". Thus the only name that has stuck for the last three months, Jr. C. Monkey. I love the name. I think the the name monkey or my little C. Monkey will stick with baby for a long long time. We find out baby's gender before Thanksgiving, but I don't know if we'll get away from C. Monkey. We've even agreed on a theme for baby's room, baby jungle animals!!! Of course one of the animals is a monkey. We tried to find a monkey costume for baby for next Halloween, but we couldn't find one 6-12 months, so we have an elephant instead. I just may have to check out eBay and see what I can find.
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